Paradise Lost

One musical fact to know about me is that I love the Keeper. Such a weird, awesome, loud band. Here's a video from Hellfest 2003 of Brother's Keeper playing the title track off of their first LP, The Continuum.

- 0:03: "These are coffin nails." Hard words from a not-so-hard sounding man. I'm pumped. You already know shit is about to go off.
- 0:16: Some hombre is already working on his stage-dive game early during a classic bass line intro dive.
- 0:18: "If you know the words, punch Josh Trustkill in the face!" Now I'm stoked. Will someone get punched mid-dive? Mid-sing along, maybe? Stay tuned.
- 0:26: The dives are in full effect. Some aren't the best, but hey, these kids are trying. Keep it alive.
- 0:40: The beast in Mike Ski has come alive, but only for a split second; the beast must be tired. He yells out a quick "if!" and throws the mic out to the crowd instantly. No big deal. Singing your own band's song is over-rated so let the crowd do it, right? Right, Mike.
- 0:58: Still no vocals on the song. It's okay though. Kids are going off and trying to up their stage-dive points.
- 1:01: Finally, Ski decides to find a mic and sing. The dives have died down, but not for long. At least let's hope not.
- 1:24: Hell yeah, wave your hands in the air. This is a concert! We play pop punk!
- 1:27: Tobey Macguire of Spiderman fame decides to show up (no big deal, whatever) and do a flying stage dive in order to grab the mic. Good distance on that dive, Spidey, you just cleared like 5 people. B+!
- 1:39: Macho Man Randy Savage in the pit decides to push someone away from him while singing. How rude. "Fuck, I love this song! Leave me alone!"
- 1:46: Shit just got heavy. Heads are bobbing, mics are being swung.
- 2:05: Front-row kids are not stoked right now. Someone just got clipped my a bass guitar after a weak dive from the bassist. Sidenote: Although the dive was weak, keep in mind he has A BASS IN HIS HANDS, therefore the dive is considered a huge success by default.
- 2:10: "No big deal, this bass sucks anyways. I'll throw it on stage."
- 2:16 - 2:20: STAGE-DIVE FAIL on a huge level. This kid was so stoked to get on stage, yet the crowd wasn't feeling it. The crowd opens up and separates as if someone next to them shit their pants or something, and the diver goes straight to the floor. Major oof.
- 2:34: Hands in the air for the second time. This is definitely a concert, not a show. Am I watching a Blink-182 video or a video from Hellfest?
- 2:44: Oof, he's not going to say what I think he's going to say. No, please don't...Ugh, he did. "Last chance to dance!" Dumbest phrase in music.
- 2:50: The band recovered from the stupid quote that was said and you're headbanging. This is catchy as shit.
- 2:54: Is this the pit or Desert Storm? That mosher with the bandana covering half of his face would like to think he's in the latter of the two. "Dude, watch out for that dust coming up from the pit! You didn't bring your inhaler!"
- 3:01: Heavy pit action is still going on. The kids are really taking advantage of the fact that it's the 'last chance to dance.' Shit.
- 3:09: What the hell was that noise?! Don't worry, it was just Ski coming in with some vocals. No worries.
- 3:18: Kids are rushing the stage trying to get some sing alongs in before the song ends. "Fuck, if it's the last chance to dance, I bet this is the last change to sing too!"
- 3:28: This is what's called a Tripod Dive Disaster. Three people dive at the same time, aiming for the same area. I've never seen this done before, holy shit. Someone is getting crushed, I'm into it.
- 3:31: Why has the level of the crowd changed, you ask? Well, that's because the Tripod Dive Disaster took them the fuck out. Everyone is on the floor picking up pennies or some shit.
- 3:35: The dives are starting to get weak. People are just falling over and through the crowd.
- 3:47: This diver is breaking a clear, distinct rule. Don't mosh or dive with a bookbag on. You look like an idiot. Are you going to school after the pit? Or maybe this is a metaphor that means you're going to school kids in the pit with your moshing skills. No, you're just dumb.
- 4:06: The song ends, the guitar static is becoming powerful, but the drummer is still fucking stoked. "Dude, I'm the drummer! I never get the opportunity to dive." He goes for it and gets some good distance with his jump.

This video teaches us a valuable lesson. When the singer yells out, "Last chance to dance," you better fucking listen. You don't want to be the asshat that regrets not moshing at a band's last show, right? You'll spend your nights crying yourself to sleep.

With that said, props to Straight Edge Hank (of Foundation fame) for hooking me up with a Brother's Keeper hoodie from this era. Much appreciated.

- Geoff